


First Dance

by FerusOlan



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-15 18:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7234216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FerusOlan/pseuds/FerusOlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the New World, Hope & Lightning are trying to live their lives the best they can. While Serah & Snow seem to be living in a lover's paradise, Lightning struggles to find a grounded sense of self as Hope steadily ages back into the young man he once was. Lightning is left behind as her friends & family pass her by towards their own hopes and dreams in this new world. Post LR. HxL</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Their First Dance

Thanks for finding yourself with this story: First Dance! It is a complete rewrite of the original as I plan to make it into its own full-length story. It is much better written than the original if I say so myself :) Hope you all enjoy! I have been nursing this story for nearly a year before finally putting up the first two chapters. Please give me your feedback! I want this to be the best it possibly can.

* * *

Prologue

A thousand years was a good run for the Soldier. While most people who try to quit never make it past their first thirty days or so, Lightning managed to push herself just shy past a thousand years. It was a nasty habit, one that she picked up in her early days of basic training when her body was making its transition to one that needed sleep to one that considered such a luxury, well, a luxury and nothing more. Lightning brought the filter end of the cigarette to her lips, pausing to savor the warmth against her face. Behind her, just beyond the sliding glass door was her family. Serah, Snow, Sazh and Dajh, Vanille, Fang, and even Hope was here as well, enjoying the last minute celebration before her sister's big day. The new world brought new smiles, new laughter, and a new future for everyone. Snow and Serah were finally getting married tomorrow, the Grand Nautilus Hotel being their first choice venue. Although already booked up, the establishment had no reservation against accommodating the thousand-year-young bride to be and her family: the saviors of this newfound world.

Lightning took a long drag through her lips, her front teeth shredding the tar-laden air as it passed down her throat and into her lungs. She sighed to exhaled before tossing the cigarette on the ground to be squashed under her boot. She was happy her sister was alive and smiling, but it wasn't Lightning's smile that brightened the room. Lightning couldn't help but feel crushed by her new life, or lack thereof. She had managed to save the world, just not her own. Serah and Snow were starting their new lives together. Fang and Vanille as well. Sazh was looking forward to the time he could finally spend with his son. And Hope, he had the world at his feet.

Hope had everything going for him in the new world: he was good-looking, excelled at school, and was popular with girls his age. Althout she didn't want him to worry about tuition, he had his mind set. Despite her best efforts, he chose reservist duty with the Guardian Corps while he went to school. It wasn't going to be long before Hope graduated from their tiny place and into a home more suited to his level of success. Imagining his future brought both joy and pain to Lightning. Picturing him successful, with a beautiful woman by his side, a spry young child dancing around his feet in the front lawn of his large, immaculate home made her more proud than any guardian could be. However, this feeling almost always faded into a sense of regret and loneliness. No matter how many times the image came to her mind, she never saw herself in it. There was no obvious place for someone like her, not that she could see at least.

Lightning took a breath and spun on her feet, facing the sliding glass door from the edge of the rear porch. Inside the Villier's home was the bustle of her usual friends and family enjoying the pre-wedding celebration. Everyone was happy and content, well, almost everyone. She had always felt this way when she looked at them. How they could smile and laugh and play and be so joyful so carelessly both escaped her comprehension as well as feed her insatiable jealousy. Once more, they were able to do so without her, even now.

Lightning let her eyes fall to the wood paneling beneath her feet. As much as she wanted to be happy, she wished she could disappear and never have to think like this again. Fighting a never-ending war in Valhalla, away from Cocoon, from Pulse, from her friends and family seemed like a simpler time, more tolerable even in comparison to now. And then there was him. Being awoken a thousand years later only to see his young face before her, just as he was when she first met him. While saving the world for a final time, she was guided only by his soothing and familiar voice. Having him watch over her in the throws of the hardest moments of her life brought more internal peace than standing on her sister's porch waiting the day of her wedding. The rest of the new world was moving on without her. If anything, if just one person would acknowledge her, if only that one person was him. Lightning's eyes welled with a single tear in each as the thought manifested.  _Please, just please come out here and notice me. If just this once. Please just-_

"Light? Are you okay?"

Lightning snapped her head towards the door. Before her stood the very young man her turmoil rested upon. He was one foot inside and one foot on the porch. It became obvious to her that he had opened the door cautiously enough not to make a noise, his concern reigning over his desire to force her attention. Lightning wiped her eyes before turning her back on him.

"I'm fine, Hope. Just needed some air. Did you need something, Hope? Is everything okay inside?"

Hope smiled. As distant as she could be in times like these, she never forsook the opportunity to try to help him. Did you need something, Hope? The young man thought to himself, replaying her words in his mind. "Nope. I'm okay, Light. What about you? We're all wondering why you're out here by yourself."

Lightning forced a chuckle. "Is that so?"

Hope shuffled his feet, his hand playing with the locks of hair on the back of his scalp. "Well, not everyone… maybe. But, I was anyway."

Lightning felt a stabbing pain in her chest. If anyone was thinking of her, it was him. It was the one thing she wanted more than anything in the world. Despite this, she felt more conflicted than she had before he approached her. She cursed under her breath. He was finally here, waiting for her to respond and she couldn't even face him. It was no wonder that she couldn't picture a future with him. Despite his best efforts, she always managed to drive him away.

Several moments of silence passed before Hope worked up the nerve to speak again. "Well, I guess just come join us when you feel ready, Light. If there's anything you need from me, I'll be inside." Hope brought his leading foot back through the threshold of the door and gently close the door behind him. Just like that, he was gone and quickly as he came. Lightning clutched the porch railing with her hands and squeezed her knuckles into a stark shade of white as she fought back the second round of tears. During the events of their fateful thirteen days, Lightning had returned to the ark on one particularly grueling day. Battered and exhausted, Hope settled her onto the couch opposite from the control station. He draped his jacket over her before bringing her something to eat and drink. His hands dug themselves into her painfully stick neck and shoulders as she nursed her simple meal. Those few minutes made for one of the greatest moments of joy and serenity in her life. Very briefly, she had hoped she could give up saving the world just to live that moment over and over for the rest of eternity.

At last, the evening had come to a close. The girls said their goodbyes to each other with heartfelt kisses on the cheek and passionate hugs, except for Lightning. The other knew better than to try to do so with her. As the crowd dwindled, Hope and Lightning were the last to say their goodbyes leaving only them and their hosts in the living room.

"I'm gonna use the restroom before we leave. Give me a second, Light." Hope said to her as she was wrestling her arms through the sleeves of her coat.

As Hope disappeared beyond the bathroom door, Snow turned to his bride-to-be and her faithful sister. "I'm gonna hit the sack. It's been a busy day. Thanks again for coming, Sis." Snow said before turning towards the hallway as a yawn crept up into his jaw. With the boys out of sight, Lightning was left alone in the living room with her sister.

Serah took a step towards her sister, an unnerving smile hanging from her lips. "Soooo, Claire, do you and Hope have any special plans for the evening?"

Lightning rolled her eyes. "Quit it, Serah. You're always on about this. Can't we just have a nice evening without you bringing this up?"

"Force?" Serah asked, a little peeved. "I'm not the one who asked Hope to move in with them."

Lightning's usually pale face turned an ever so slight shade of pink. "He needed a place to stay. That was all. We've been together for a long time. It was only natural."

Serah put her hand on her hip in defiance of her sister's lack of enthusiasm. "More natural than living with his parents? I wonder how you got them to agree to it."

"I didn't," Lightning nearly hissed, "He did. He was an adult. It was a decision for him to make. Despite his appearance, he is over a thousand years old, Serah."

Serah's face lit up as she paced towards the kitchen. "Speaking of that, Noel and I took pictures of him when he was older while he was the director of the Academy. Do you want to see them?"

Lightning followed her sister to the kitchen and slowly took a seat at the kitchen table. She crossed her legs in her usual fashion while trying to retain a straight face. Her furious foot tapping against the linoleum nearly gave away her excitement. "I suppose so if it will get you to stop talking."

Serah sighed, clearly disappointed. "Yeah, I lied, sis. I don't have any pictures like that. I thought you would be more excited if said so. C'mon Lightning, this is Hope we're talking about..."

Lightning uncrossed her legs and stood, hand on her hip. "I'm not about to get excited about seeing pictures of Hope. If you want that kind of reaction why don't you solicit some of those "fruities" from his fan club at the college? Christ sakes, Serah, he's just Hope. That's it. That's all it ever is, and I would appreciate it if you would stop pushing the subject."

*Ahem*

Serah and Lightning snapped their heads towards the direction of the hallway. Simultaneously, Serah threw a careful chuckle at the young man while Lightning tucked her face into her shoulder, arms crossed just below her chest.

"Heya kiddo, all set to go?" Serah asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." Hope seemed nearly dejected as he looked at his housemate. "Light? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Just grab your coat. We're leaving." She continued to look the other way, her hands clutching at her elbows until the whites of her knuckles emerged. Once Hope had retrieved his coat from the rack by the door, she followed, content now that he was preoccupied enough not to look at her. As the pair made their way from their hosts' front porch and to the car, Lightning waved a silent goodbye as Serah wished them a good night.

The car ride home was arduously silent. Lightning stayed glued to the road in front of her, her shoulders and arms square with the wheel in front of her with her hands perfectly at 'ten' and 'two'. Hope was slumped over in the passenger seat, his forehead resting on the glass as he gazed out at the starry sky. Despite his lack of posture, he was restless in his seat, his feet scurrying against the carpeted floor beneath them. At last, they parked in the lot facing the condominium building they resided in. Usually, Hope was the first to hop out as soon as she cranked the key into the off position. This time, however, he stayed where he was gazing out the window.

"Something wrong, Hope? Are you feeling sick?" Lightning put her hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed.

Hope brushed her hand away and sat upright. "I'm not a little kid, Light. I'm not gonna get sick from eating too much junk food at Snow and Serah's."

"Fine, Hope. You're not a kid anymore. Anything else you wanted to talk about?"

Hope gave a soft huff as his shoulders drooped. "Am I bother to you, Light?"

"So you heard me and Serah talking then?"

Hope sighed. "Yeah… You could say that. Look, you were the one who asked me to move in. Is this about the time you dropped me off for class one day and those girls were cooing me? That wasn't my idea, Light. I don't even know them."

"You didn't say no when I asked, did you?" Lightning's response was quick, like the bang of a hammer on an impenetrable door.

Hope turned to her and put his hands on her arms. "I'm serious, Light. You're doing it again, shutting me out. Of course, I wanted to move in with you. We'd been together for so long, just us. The two of us living together on the arc, and now, where else would I go?"

Lightning looked up at him, a smile creeping on her face as she saw the honesty and compassion in his eyes.

"You're my friend, Lightning. I won't leave your side. I made that promise to you before, and I don't plan on breaking it."

The smile faded from her lips faster than her heart sank into her gut. Lightning pulled her arms away from him, his touch feeling like sandpaper in contrast to the soothing warmth from seconds ago. Her it is again, she thought to herself. It was always like this when it came to him. He was her friend, her absolute best friend and forever comrade in the face of any trial. It was more than she deserved to ever ask, and perhaps this was enough for her. What she sought for, he would find in someone else. Someone more deserving. Someone younger. Someone more open. Someone with less blood on their hands. Someone less broken.

"Thanks, Hope. I appreciate it, I really do, and I'm glad you're here with me. Just go inside and get some rest. Tomorrow is a big day for everyone, including you."

Hope obliged and opened the passenger door, propping it open with the heel of his shoe. "Are you coming?"

Lightning shook her head as she tapped her breast pocket.

"I wish you would give that up. You didn't smoke when we met. I can't understand why you do now. I didn't come to the new world just for you to die before me." Hope's words were sheepish at best, the new world wasn't like the old and he knew it.

"Nobody has died yet in the new world. Let's not get carried away," She replied.

"Still stinks. I like the way you smell without it." With those last words, Hope hurried towards the building door, his distaste for the smell fueled more by the potential that he smelled it on him sometimes than the fact that it was Lightning's vice and not his.

Lightning pulled the pack from her pocket and tipped it over, letting one of the cylindrical strips peek away from the package and into the space between her left middle and forefinger. Finally opening her own door, she gathered herself and pushed her way away from the car, slamming the door shut behind her with her boot before striking a match in front of her face. As she took the first drag from the evening's last cigarette, she let out a heavy sight into the emptiness of the night.

 _A friend,_  She thought to herself,  _A friend that smells better when she doesn't smoke is what I am. As long as he's here and not with someone else, that's all I need. That's all I need._

* * *

1

First Dance

The ceremony was. . . nice, in its own right. Actually, the ceremony was quite beautiful. Lightning was never one for such experiences. Forcing herself to emotionally caudle the happy couple and socialize with all of Serah and Snow's family and friends was not her idea of an ideal day despite the fact that she shared all of their family and friends. But today wasn't about her, not that she'd ever want such a day. The vows were typical of Snow. He droned on about being the "Hero" and how saving Serah was to be his ultimate feat of blah blah blah. Serah ate his words up like a hungry hippo, despite their lack of eloquence. "I did it all for you", and "only you gave it any meaning", and -insert generic line here- and so on.  _Someone, please shoot me..._ Lightning thought as she glanced up from her seat in the front pew. This sentiment only intensified as Serah's soppy eyes shed a new sheet of tears each time Snow opened his idiot mouth.

Lightning felt dampening crawling up the hem of her skirt. She cleared her throat as inconspicuously as she could and scooted up in her chair, her posture straighter than on her first day of basic training. Lightning chided herself for feeling flustered, then chided herself again for thinking that anyone would notice. Everyone in the audience was glued to the couple on stage. Well, almost everyone. Lightning snapped her eyes towards her right, the young man next to her seeking her attention with a subtle nudge to her elbow.

Hope relieved a handkerchief from the blouse of his newly issued dress uniform and presented it to the woman sitting to his left. Side by side in their neatly pressed dress uniforms, the two looked more like gaudy Guardian Corps delegates than a couple, something she considered fortunate. The person to her right, however, perhaps did not share such a notion. She was proud of his accomplishments, having only recently finished his basic training during the summer of his second year of college. She took the handkerchief from his hands and dabbed her eyes, shoulders and chin square with her hips and feet, the only person Hope new could do so.

Hope had taken his seat next to Light when the ceremony began, a decision he felt was a natural one considering she had asked him to accompany her to the wedding. He understood it was out of courtesy, the invitation. She wasn't seeing anyone by any means and he was too focused on finishing his schooling than to focus on something like women. Being near the end of his first phase of school, he knew he would have more opportunities to interact with his longtime friend as Lightning was one to frequent the student practitioner-lead clinic, strained this and maybe broken that littered her medical record. Lightning returned the handkerchief to his hand and breathed a sigh of contentment. The ends of Hope's lips crawled a couple millimeters up towards his cheeks. Hope was relieved that Lightning was enjoying herself. Before now, he was afraid she genuinely wouldn't. Not only were weddings not the official list of things Lightning likes to do with her free time, Hope understood that she had feelings, thoughts, and emotions to inevitably revisit as her sister's wedding progressed. Whether they would bring joy or pain was not something for him to decide. He just hated to see her suffer, even if it was minuscule. He had been like that since the two of them met, willing to think of her first before himself even though he was the one who was truly helpless without her.

After the ceremony, they had moved from the ceremonial hall of the Grand Nautilus Hotel to the first floor where a conference area had been furnished with dining tables and a hardwood center. The usual gang was at the table closest to the dancing area. Sazh and his son were competing with each other, each of them trying to outdo the other in the quest to make the best napkin swan. Snow and Serah were away shaking hands and making their rounds with the various guests leaving Vanille, Hope, and Lightning to deal with the slightly inebriated Fang. Despite her rugged toughness, she was always the first to succumb to the one-too-many rule. Alcohol was not her forte, and neither was keeping her words to herself when she became like this. Hope and Vanille had found their way to the bar upon Fang's pleading for another drink, Fang being too preoccupied with combating the effects of the few she had already nursed into empty glasses.

"I wanted to ask you something," Hope told Vanille as they made their way to the bar. Hope and Vanille's naturally young faces were met with the barman's skepticism but he ultimately disregarded them upon seeing Hope's uniform and hearing something about being "centuries young" from the red-headed one. He decided that producing drinks would be the better side of this trap then engaging the issue of her poorly understood age.

Vanille tipped a dollar into a smelling glass at the barman's side and retrieved the freshly prepared drink from the counter. "What's on your mind, Hope?"

Before Hope could speak, he and his friend found themselves quietly surrounded by some "fruities" as Lightning so 'joyously' termed. Giddy, but without audible laughter, three girls began pawing at the white and crimson uniform of the young man between them. Hope took an anxious breath as he gently pushed their soft, darting hands away. He certainly had no fear of girls, only fear of the deathening gaze of a certain someone when they tried to do something like this.

"We'll talk later," Vanille said as she took her leave from the group, winking at him.

"May I help you?" Hope's frantic question provided little reprieve, only confirming their efforts for his attention by providing his own. His mistake.

"You're Hope, right?" Where are you from?" "How old are you really?" "What's being a soldier like?" "Did you really fight with Snow and NORA?" "Who was that girl you were walking with just now?" "Is the woman in a uniform sitting at your table your date?" "She can't be, right?" "Are you dancing with anyone later?" Their questions were unrelenting, coming from indiscernable directions.

As Vanille returned to Fang, now being tended to by Lightning who was doing her best to keep her sister's big day as free of Fang's inebriated outbursts as possible, Fang looked up at the approaching Vanille and then past her to the cluster of girls surrounding Hope.

"Look at the kid go!" she nearly slurred, "You know a good looking guy like him dressed in his spiffy new uni would come to a wedding with, you know….*hic*" Upon seeing Light and Vanille's confused expressions she continued unwavering, a sly smile creeping across the right side of her lips, "...protection."

"Fang!" Vanille exclaimed, pointing her nose at Lightning while maintaining eye contact with Fang in a "you-know-who-is-sitting-right-here" kind of fashion.

Lightning turned to Fang, leaning in, and inches from her ear stated, "Fang, I swear to Etro if you can't fucking control yourself right here, right now, I'm going to have Vanille here take you straight back to your room."

Fang pulled away from Light and matched her gaze. "Don't you get too far ahead of me, Light, the night is still young," Fang's reply came with a tactless and obvious wink to her red-haired counterpart as she callously surveyed the red-headed girl with her eyes, starting at her soft, pale legs peeking out from the bottom of her skirt.

"FANG!" came Vanille's second outburst, the back of her hands slapping against Fang's wavering shoulder.

Light, determining that Fang and Vanille's newly found squabble was not worth her time, decided to take her frustrations somewhere else. She turned her attention to the stammering Hope and his followers and ardently approached him. As she did, her eyes met his. His quintessential new-kid-in-class-surrounded-by-inquisitive-girlies-like expression vanishing once he met her heart-piercing gaze. The color on his face disappeared, leaving only the visage of a fear-induced pale white. He had been truly afraid several moments in his life: the explosions surrounding him and his mother on the Hanging Edge, the darkness enveloping the world upon Serah's death, and the moment Lightning left to confront Bhunivelze before the birth of the New World. This moment was one more to add to his list.

Lightning stood just beyond arm's length from Hope and his new found 'friends'. Glancing from his face to hers, the girls stared at the Soldier while she stared back menacingly. At first, they adopted an attitude of retaliation, clicks on their tongues and hands on their hips in defiance to the older woman who sought to ruin their fun. As several moments passed, their spunk dissipated, being replaced only by anxiety as their posture and demeanor adopted that of a frightened mouse trying to shuffle away inconspicuously from a great bird of some kind who had landed just shy to its front but had not quite noticed it, or perhaps wasn't hungry enough to do anything, not yet anyway.

Lightning spoke in the calmest, coolest, most collected fashion that she had ever endeavored to do so in her entire thousand-plus year history of existence. "Hope," She began as she gestured towards the banquet hall door, "May I have a word with you?"

Hope swallowed the air in his mouth, his eyes pleading her for mercy. "Light, it's not what you think. I swear. Please, just listen to-"

"NOW!" came her deafening response to his feeble attempt to disagree. She turned about face, her feet gliding across the hardwood with the class of a seasoned Warrant Officer. She paused before taking a step, indicating to her subordinate to follow suit.

"U-understood," He softly managed while sloppily snapping to attention. With each of her steps, he mirrored till the two were a mere few feet away from the door. Hope dared not glance behind him to see if the girls were truly gone or not. Each step was pure agony, his soul being slowly crushed under each loud click of her boots against the hardwood. Once the two were beyond the door, into the hallway, and out of sight, she stopped on a dime and turned to face him. She left him there in silence, her tightened shoulders, clenched fists, and rage-red cheeks scorching the space between them.

Hope knew he could speak, or wait till she did. He considered that if Lightning did have anything to say, he'd be dead before she said it. He took a gamble and spoke first. As the first of his words left his lips, he flinched back subconsciously and slammed his eyes tightly shut.

*SMACK*

Perhaps if he wasn't so scared, if he had kept his eyes open, he could have seen it coming. The swelling and stinging against his cheek told him that she considered the opportunity before her and took it: he was submissive, scared, his eyes closed in fear. Like any good warrior, she struck when her enemy was most vulnerable. When he opened his eyes, he saw someone entirely different than the person who was before him prior. The fearsome woman was gone. In her place was a woman whose eyes stayed glued to the floor, begging the threads of carpet beneath her feet to give her an answer to her pain. To her left was a lamp, its base nailed into the wall. Her shiny, wide eyes whose tears had yet to escape glistened brilliantly in its glow as her soft, crimson cheeks matched the color of the carpet lining the floor and the walls around her. She rubbed the back of her hand gently with the other in an effort to relieve the same stinging that Hope endured.

"Look at yourself." Her words fluttered against the quivering of her lower lip as the first of her tears broke free against the damn of what was once her iron will. How anyone could drive her to such an emotional and irrational state escaped her realm of understanding. Of course, he wasn't just anyone. "You look like an idiot in that uniform right now. Today is not the day for you to try and get as many free nights on whore island as you can by-"

"Claire, that's not what I was trying to do!" Hope pleaded fervently, his arms outstretched and his eyes begging for reason.

Just as soon as she was vulnerable she was back to angry. "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT NAME TO ME, NOW OF ALL TIMES! Who am I to you that you call me Claire at the worst possible time?! What about all the times before, when I needed you to say it to me the most? Or were you too busy messaging those "fruities" from school you're so fond of on that smartphone you are always glued to?!" Lightning's best efforts to imitate a teenager glued to their phone added to her fruitless efforts to elicit an honest response from both the young man before her and herself.

"It's not like that!" Hope took a step forward, leaving a forearm's distance between the two as he tried to plead his case further. He was almost crying now, something that only upset Lightning even more.

"Oh?! What's all this then?" She retorted, grasping his wrist and pulling it, and him, closer to her chest. He unfurled his wrist under the pressure of her iron grip revealing a plethora of papers with hastily scribbled phone numbers scribbled on them and a hotel key card that was presumably not his, or Lightning's. "

"Light, these are just- I mean, you don't get it, okay? I was just trying to be polite and get them to go away!"

"I DON'T NEED TO!" She cried out. She paused in embarrassment as a hotel staff member tried to casually walk by the two, whistling into his breast as he did to feign a lack of interest. Lightning assessed herself, his wrists grasped firmly in her hands. His face was tucked into his shoulder as she was only a nose-length away from him. She released his hands and allowed him to take several steps back and quickly wipe his eyes with the back of his sleeve. Music softly invaded the silence between them as the light from the other side of the door dimmed to a soft glow. Lightning could only see the white and crimson silhouette of the person before her.

"As is tradition, the first dance is for the newlywed couple so please welcome them to the floor," Came an announcement from within the room carried by the gentle crackle of a microphone. As she turned away from him to go back inside, Hope made one last appeal.

Lightning stopped in her tracks, clenching her fists as she waited silently for him to let go of the hem of her jacket. She didn't want to face him, more embarrassed and afraid to do so than angry at him. She was unreasonable and she knew as much. It was unreasonable to think he looked at her the way she looked at him.  _He could have any single girl in that room in a heartbeat, he doesn't need an old hag like me. He never will, not like that._ The thought wasn't isolated, she had thought as such many times after they had moved in together into a tiny condominium. With the new world came new feelings. Addressing feelings of any kind was not a strength of hers, especially  _these_ kinds of feelings. "Hope, let go of me. Either you go back to your room, or I will."

"Will you dance with me?" His voice was level and calm, the words sounding almost rehearsed. Her heart plummeted into her gut in surprise as his words were carried gently to her ears on the back of the music that danced just above their heads. He tossed the shreds of paper and the room key card into a waste can by the door and approached her cautiously. She couldn't fathom the words she had just heard. "I've waited all day to ask you. Please don't leave."

She turned slowly, her arms and hands now shielding her face as her own eyelids swelled. She looked up from her hands, searching his face for any sign of motivation. She couldn't fathom why he would ask of such a thing from her. Having a dance with the bride, sure, such a thing was a tradition. Hell, it was even an honor. No doubt Serah would have loved to oblige  **him**  of all the male guests, but a dance from her tomboyish, emotionally void, much less pretty, an older version of an already good if not a perfect woman was beyond Lightning's comprehension. Hope was perfect when she first met him, perfect a thousand years later, and even perfect now. She was not. She both needed his perfection as much as she feared what damage her presence could inflict upon it.

Hope blinked to let the tears escape down his cheek. "Do you still have it?" He whispered.

She reproduced the handkerchief he had given her earlier and held it out in front of his face. Instead of taking it from her hand, he slowly guided his cheek into it. His hands caressed her skin down the length of her arm to the tips of her fingers unleashing an unbearably nauseating sense of butterflies down her through and into her stomach. He gently placed his hands on the palms of hers and guided them, one to his waist and the other out and to his right just below shoulder level. Still relishing in disbelief, she remained silent, refusing an answer to his request as he manipulated her at his will. His lips now mere inches from her ear, he whispered one more plea. "Please, Claire. I will beg if I have to."

"You look good in your uniform, Hope," She mustered like a stupid school girl. "I was wrong, before, when I said what I did." It was all she could think of. Despite only a couple years passing since the new world was formed, Hope's then fourteen now sixteen-year-old frame still carried itself a perfect match to her, not in form but in feeling. Or was it seventeen now? After a thousand years, give or take, she stopped trying to keep track. Like the new world's dumbest deer staring straight into the headlamps of a truck half a mile away, the best she could do was stand there motionless and say the first awful thing that popped into her once collected and calculating head.

Hope guided her through several painstaking motions. Her inability to respond his words, much less match his rhythm, made their first dance as bad as when the first dancer in existence tried to teach a dance to someone who hadn't even heard of the concept. Light pushed her brow into his chest, allowing her tears to soak through his blouse. Hope paused and withdrew his hands from hers before grabbing her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Lightning. I shouldn't have done that." Hope's words stabbed into her like a hot iron into a fresh palate of wood-work. He was sure he made a mistake. He was sure that he shouldn't have pushed her. He never considered that begging could hurt her more than it could hurt him. "If you want to go back to your room, you can. I'll tell the others that you were getting a migraine or something and you needed to rest for a little bit." With those words, Hope left for the door to the banquet hall, leaving her behind to shoulder the weight of loneliness once again.

"Hope, you suck. You know that?" Lightning blurted through her clenched teeth, her molars shredding the words as they were forced to her lips. "A migraine? Am I just some old lady to you?"

"I don't want to fight with you Lightning. I'm trying to admit I made a mistake. Please..." Hope turned back to her, suddenly tossing his hands through his hair to wretch through the locks on the back of his head. "What do you want me to do? Just tell me, and I'll do it. I never wanted to hurt you. I only ever want to see you happy and I can't even do that on a day that's supposed to be one of the best days for all of us. I mean, we've all been looking forward to this for more than a thousand years and I can't even let you have that. I get it, okay? With the girls and you and their phone numbers and whatever it is, please, just..."

"That was my first dance, Hope! I was so happy. For once in my miserable fucking existence, I was so happy that someone like you would want to dance with me and- and how did you say it?! It was a mistake?! If dancing with me was such a mistake, you should have just pissed off from the start!" Lightning chucked his handkerchief into his face and stormed off down the hallway towards the hotel elevators.

"Lightning!" He reached out to her, his hand grasping her shoulder. She shrugged it away with force. Hope felt destroyed. He felt more broken than he ever had in his entire life as the one person he cared about more than anyone turned her back on him. They had their fights before but never had it felt like this. He waited over a thousand years to hold her as he did, dance with her even, and she couldn't even look him in the eyes. He felt his soul tearing apart, piece-by-piece, with each step she took towards the elevator. Lightning mashed the call button with one hand as the other tried desperately to wipe away her tears only to smear them, and chunks of her mascara, across her cheeks. As the elevator doors opened, Hope made one last, desperate, and foolish attempt to bring her back to him. "I hate this! I can't take this anymore!"

With the 'ding' of the elevator door, Hope grasped Lightning's shoulders, turning her towards him as he pinned her against the back panel of the lift. Lightning raised her head in protest only to be met by his lips against hers. Her half attempt at a breath prompted her to swallow the air in her mouth. Her hands trapped beneath his against the glass window behind her, Lightning wrestled herself furiously against him as he pressed himself against her. He was motionless, without a sound as her heavy breathing pushed hot, wet air in and out of her nose. Her strength failing her, she stopped fighting as his fingers found themselves homes in between hers, his chest now pressing up against hers. Her breathing slowed, then leveled, then paused as he finally released himself from her leaving mere inches between his now swollen left cheek and her mess of tear-diluted mascara. Hope stared at her, his lips gently parting as the first word to escape his lips rolled off of his-"

*Cough* *Cough* *Cough* *Cough* *Cough* *Cough* Lightning pushed him away by the shoulders and drew in a long, exasperated breath. *Cough* *Cough* *Cough* *Cough* *Cough* *Cough*

Dumbfounded, Hope stared at her struggling to reoxygenate herself. This wasn't how he imagined it. "Light? Are you okay? Do you need to-"

*Cough* *Cough* *Cough*

Lightning put her hands on her knees and drew in another labored breath. *Cough* *Cough* *Cough*

Finally, with a face as red as a cherry, she fought back with words of her own. "What the hell was that?!"

"That was me kissing you! What did you think it was?" Hope exclaimed.

*Cough* *Cough* "That was probably the world's worst first kiss, you know that?!" *Cough* *Cough* "Unlike you, Mr. Ladiesman," She hissed as she made an angry gesture towards the direction of the dancing floor, "that was my first kiss!"

"It was my first kiss, too!" Hope exclaimed. He hated this image that she had of him. Just because girls gave him attention, Lightning paraded him like some kind of pimp who was wetter than he was dry and had the smile to prove it.

*AHEM!*

Both Hope and Lightning jerked their heads toward the front of the elevator cabin and froze. A pristine looking young woman in a uniform wearing white gloves stood by the control panel. With one hand stretched pointed up towards the dial indicating the current floor, she calmly asked the two, "What floor are you trying to go to?"

Hope picked up his chin from the floor and stood, shuffling his clothing back into place as Lightning scampered behind him, her forehead buried in between his shoulders.

Hope's adopted a tone mirroring the meekness of when he first met Lightning, the same dumbfoundedness in this moment as back then. "S-six, please." He whispered.

It was an eternity of pain for both of them. The ride from the second floor to the six floor felt longer than the thousand years they had been apart. Hope kept his eyes on the floor, arms crossed in front of him as Lightning remained hidden behind him, the top of her pale, pink hair poking through his silver locks. She was a tall girl, Hope catching up but an inch shy of her. When they finally reached their floor, they shuffled out of the elevators doors as the attendant waved a thoughtful but labored "You two have a good night, now," before the doors closed behind them.

Hope lead her by the hand, silently, as frustration carried his legs from the elevator towards their hotel room door. Lightning grabbed his arm as he attempted to retrieve his room key from his coat pocket.

"Whatever it is you're thinking of doing, Hope, rethink it." Lightning's mind had taken a turn for the worse as she feared Hope's potential intentions.

"We're sharing a room, remember?" Hope insisted as he pulled his arm away from her and jammed the key card into the slot above the door handle. "In case you didn't notice, you're a mess. You need to clean yourself up before we go back downstairs."

Hope pulled her inside as the door closed behind them. She watched as he scurried about the room, wrestling a fresh set of her clothes from her luggage and placing it on the bed before going into the bathroom and turning on the shower. With water running, he came out of the bathroom and ushered her inside before closing the bathroom door behind her.


	2. Lactose Free Milk

**2**

**Lactose Free Milk**

-3 days before the wedding-

The morning was unlike most mornings. It was the start of something new, something uncanny to both Hope and Lightning. Hope managed to get the time off from his work with the Guardian Corps and his college in preparation for Serah and Snow's big day. Lightning got the time off too. Out of everyone in the group, she was the last to confirm she could even get the time off, though Snow and Hope had both speculated at one point she may not be able to make it.

It was nearly eight o'clock in the morning when Hope pulled himself out of bed. Sleeping in on his first day off was his immediate priority; but not too late, however, as he still wanted to be able to get breakfast started before Lightning woke up. She stayed on base into the late hours of the night the day before to get her work done so she could make the time off in the first place. Hope simply made time on his weekends for the corps working as a reservist while he went to school during the week. Lightning's life was a completely different beast. She was an officer, a full time one at that, and the corps milked every waking moment of her life that they could.

Hope cracked open some eggs onto the frying pan and tossed a few slices of rye bread into the toaster. Simple foods for the two of them. They were easy on the stomach, and good for the body as well. As the simmering of the eggs took over the silence throughout their shared apartment, Hope stared at his roommate's closed door and grinned. He imagined his sleeping friend enjoying, for the first time in a long time, not having to wake up before six in the morning. It was very heartwarming to him and to the rest of their friends that she was able to go to Serah's wedding, but it was an especially unique sort of joy that he could be the one see her the most during their time off.

Hope averted his eyes back to the stove top as the creaking of Lightning's bedroom door echoed through the short hallway. The gentle pattering of her bare feet against the carpeting grew louder as Hope did his best to pretend not to notice. Lately, he had found himself looking at her more than usual. Because of this, he had been making a concerted effort to keep his eyes away from her.

"Good morning, Hope." Her voice was both soothing as it was firm. Just beyond the kitchen was a modest dining table big enough for two, possibly a third if you really squished together. As she sat down at the table, the moaning of the aged wood followed.

Hope swallowed the lump of excitement in his throat. The last time the two of them were able to eat breakfast together, he couldn't remember. "Good morning, Light. Did you sleep well?"

"Better than expected," Came her quick reply, "Did the paper come yet?"

"It did, I put it on the table for you." His posture softened as his focus reverted back to the pan and the eggs before him.

"Hope, are you using wheat or rye bread in the toaster?"

"Rye. I know it's your preference, don't worry." Hope smiled, mentally commending himself for remembering.

"The air conditioner was making a noise last night."

Hope flipped the eggs as he glanced over to the toaster to check the timer. "Yeah, I heard it too. I took the cover off of the cooling unit earlier this morning, but I didn't see anything in there."

Lightning snapped open the morning newspaper with her hands. "I'll get my tools and take a look at it later."

"Okay," Hope replied as he placed the two finished pieces of toast on two separate plates before flipping the eggs again. In one swift motion, he scooped each egg onto one of the plates before flicking the burner switch to its 'off' position before placing the used pan in the sink. With two plates of breakfast in each hand and a washcloth hanging from his left forearm, he turned to the table. What he saw before him made him stop in his tracks.

Lightning turned the page in her paper before looking up at her still friend. "Hope, are you okay?"

"Light, could you wear something more appropriate please?"

Lightning glanced down at herself. The skin of her bare legs caressed the wood of her chair, her white panties clinging to the curves of her hips. Her torso was covered with a pink tank top the same shade of her messy morning hair. "What's wrong with this?"

"You barely wearing anything," Hope replied as he looked away from her in an attempt to hide the flushing in his cheeks.

"This is my apartment, Hope. I'll wear what I want."

Hope sighed, his breath carrying more adamence than pleading. "Please. Put on some clothes so we can eat breakfast." Whether it be out of curiosity, Lightning's rather provocative choice of leisure wear as of late, or by some other mechanism, Hope really disliked the fact he found himself looking at her more. This was his opportunity to prove himself otherwise and restore a little sensibility in himself. In his mind, the last thing his friend would want is some guy ogling her in her own apartment. That would definitely be his quick ticket to finding somewhere else to live.

It was Lightning's turn to sigh, though hers was one of more annoyance than anything else. She ruffled the paper back together, placing it on the table before making her way back to her bedroom. Once she was out of sight, Hope placed the two plates on the table before retreating back to the kitchen for two forks, two glasses from the cupboard, and the pint of 1% milk from the fridge. Lightning had returned, now wearing a pair of rather short running shorts over her lower half which was not much better in Hope's mind. By society's technical standards, she was now covered. Hope decided to swallow his embarrassment and not press the issue before sitting down at the table opposite of her.

"A slice of rye toast, half an egg over-easy, half an egg scrambled, and 1% milk. Just how you like it," Hope affirmed as Lightning's eyes carefully assessed her meal.

Lightning took a moment, assuring herself everything was where it needed to be, though one question remained. "Is the milk-?"

"1% fat and lactose free. And it's Lactaid brand, not the cheaper store-brand stuff." Hope interrupted her as a sheepish smile grew on his face. "Don't worry, I didn't forget. Though I doubt you really need lactose free milk."

"I'm an old lady, Hope," She replied as she poked at her eggs with her fork.

"You don't dress yourself like you're an old lady…" Hope mumbled under his breath.

"Did you say something?"

Hope chuckled as he shoveled his face full of toast and eggs. "I said you're like 26 or 27," He said as bread crumbs fell from his lips.

Lightning sighed as she took a bite from her eggs. "I'm more like a thousand and twenty-seven. And besides, you have to keep up with this kind of thing as you get older. You don't want to find out one day that you keep getting sick from dairy because you weren't thinking ahead. And please chew first before you speak."

Several moments passed, allowing Hope the opportunity to polish off the food in front of him. Hope swallowed the food in his mouth before picking up his used dining ware, his plate now bare. "Speaking of thinking ahead," Hope began as he made his way to the kitchen sink to deposit his dishes, "Since we'll be sharing a room at the hotel for your sister's wedding, maybe you should bring something more to wear than just your uniform."

Lightning stared into her food, her fork twirling between her fingertips and the edge of her plate. It took a moment for her to register their conversation was still going. "Huh? Oh, right. Of course I will. Naturally."

Hope stood at the edge of the sink, his hands pressed against the counter as he sighed through his nose, his lower lip now trapped within the hardened grip of his teeth. Classic Lightning. Though, perhaps even more than usual. She seemed so distant to him, so aloof and even a little cold. Colder than usual, he clarified to himself. No matter what he did, it didn't seem enough to warrant her attention. It was very much her, before those thirteen days, before the ark, before the end of PSICOM, before he felt the way he did now. Granted, there had been a few occasions in recent memory since the start of the new world: the occasional squeeze of his shoulder or holding of his hand. She did them appropriately, right time and place, but almost as if they were distant actions, like trying on the emotion without truly owning it. Closeness at a distance, a safe distance. It took every fiber in his being to keep himself from thinking that her shows of affection were evidence of complacency and hypocrisy rather than love or friendship. But that was the woman he had gotten himself mixed up with, and he knew it.

"I'm serious, Light. We'll share that room for at least two days. You should bring some street clothes and pajamas. At least the pajamas. You can't be walking around in your panties and a tank top all the time. Also, don't let Fang talk you into drinking with her while we are there. You remember what happened to Serah at the beach last month."

"Well, maybe if you'd only look at me once in a while…" Lightning mumbled.

"Sorry. I didn't catch that," Hope replied as the gentle hum of water flowing from the sink faucet carried his words to her.

"I said don't worry about Fang. I won't touch a drop of the stuff while we're at the reception, and I'll pack clothes to wear too. If I wear pajamas to bed, you may feel a little stuffy underneath the covers. So be prepared." She spoke almost indifferently as she poured herself another glass of milk after finishing her second bite of her eggs.

"Wait, why would I get stuffy at night if you wear pajamas?" Hope asked in bewilderment, "Did you get us a single-bed or double-bed hotel room?"

Lightning looked towards the kitchen as Hope stepped away from the sink to face her. The period of silence was saved for only the running of the faucet's water. "Um… a single-bed room, naturally."

Hope shook his head forcefully. "I'm sorry, naturally? Why did you do that? How could you be okay with that?"

"It was cost effective compared to other rooms, and it had a balcony facing the pool. Why? Are you not okay with that?"

Hope stammered as the red set into his cheeks, his eyes darting about the room. "I mean, it's not like I'm not okay with it, you know? Like, I'm not saying I find the idea of you, like… you're not old or not not pretty. Just, me and you, we have separate rooms in this apartment, you know? Like, I'm okay with it in the sense that, yes, you are attractive so it's not that I don't find you attractive. But, but, but I'm not saying you're attractive in the sense that I like ' _find you attractive'_ if you know what I mean. Wait! Sorry, that's not what I wanted to say! What I meant to say was-"

"I'll fix it," Lightning replied, her face and body exuding an unspoken character of stillness and stoicism, "You don't want to share a bed. We need a room with two beds. Got it. I'll make the change to our reservation. Perhaps even two seperate rooms."

"Woah, hang on!" Hope words carried a bit more desperation in his voice than he initially intended. "One room is fine. We can share a room. It's not like I'm against spending time with you or anything."

"Just trying to figure out where this line is that you've drawn," Lightning replied as an unfamiliar sense of defeat settled into her chest. "You are your own person. You're a young man. I should have asked for your input before making this decision. I apologize."

Hope turned off the sink before making his way back to the table, now sitting across from her again. "Light, I didn't mean that you're overstepping me either. It's not about any of that. All I just said earlier, I didn't mean anything by it. I just wanted to preserve your modesty is all. I mean, I am a young man like you said and you're a woman and well… Light? Are you okay?"

Lightning continued to stare into her food, fork in hand hanging fruitlessly in the air. She appeared quite clearly checked out from his efforts to communicate with her. Many laborious moments passed before she mustered a response. "I'm fine," She replied as she stood from the table before setting off for her bedroom.

"Where are you going?" Hope's words chased her as she disappeared down the hallway.

"I worked late last night. I'm going to go back to sleep to get some more rest." And with those last words, she was beyond her closed bedroom door.

Hope continued to sit at the table. It was now his turn to stare blankly into her nearly untouched eggs and untouched rye toast. Her empty glass of milk was the only semblance of any nutrient consumption from that meal. Hope's frustration and confusion were now replaced with a feeling of loss and self deprecation.

The poor boy, he was left with only one thought and was foolish enough to believe in it. _Hope, you fucking idiot, what the hell is wrong with you?..._

* * *

Hope sat at the edge of the hotel room's bed, the toes of his feet flicking the strands of carpet beneath them. He had kicked off his boots by the door after shuffling Lightning into the bathroom, and had sat in bewilderment ever since.

His mind raced as he desperately tried to piece together the events of the evening.

_Lightning asks ME to go to her sister's wedding for her: too good to be true?_

_The ceremony: fine_

_Reception: so far so good._

_Lightning goes off with Vanille and Fang to the 'family-of-the-bride' table: still going okay._

_I go to get something to drink for the two of us, and Lightning comes over to berate me: somewhere here is where the evening went wrong. Or is that how it happened? Either way, she was being so… not Lightning. She was so weird, all day today…_

Hope reared his head up to the direction of the door, the sound of the shower's running water ceasing with the audible creaking of the shower handle. With the assumption that Lightning was getting out of the shower to dry herself with a towel, Hope stared back down at his toes as he tried to tackle his racing thoughts once more.

_Lightning gets mad at me AND Fang: seems normal enough. She gets mad at Fang a lot, and me too lately…_

_Lightning storms off to the hallway, I follow her and she slaps me: possibly warranted?_

_We share a dance together: not ideally how I wanted us to share the dance but at least we did._

_We find ourselves in the elevator and I kiss her: That was stupid. Really stupid._

The sound of the toilet flushing snapped Hope back to reality. _Weird,_ He thought, _I thought she was done showering and was going to get dressed._ Staring at the door as his ears traced the sound of the toilet flushing, he heard the sound of bellowed heaving.

Suddenly, the truth of his reality set in. Hope charged towards the bedroom door and thrust it open. Before him on the floor lay the half-naked woman, her lower half covered loosely with a towel while the left cheek of her face rested on the toilet seat. A mixture of drool and orange-green fluid dribbled from her lips and into the toilet bowl.

Hope rushed to her side as he slid his arms underneath her. "What in Etro's name is wrong with you, Light?!"

Lightning forced a labored moan from her lips only to force even more of her emesis into the toilet. "Hope, I don't feel so good…"

Hope grabbed the second towel from the towel rack behind him and wrapped it around her torso as he led her back towards the hotel room and to the bed. He laid her onto the sheets just before frantically searching for the trash can. He placed the trash can by the foot of the bed, then dragged his inebriated friend to the edge of the bed with her face hanging over the trash can just in time for round two. The sound of the emetic fluid rustling the plastic trash can liner coupled with the grotesque heaving of her body left Hope wincing and restless in his own skin. He had never seen Lightning this drunk before, nor had he even seen anyone this drunk before, regardless if the individual was her. Fang had come close. She always seemed to be the root of whatever alcohol-induced escapade befell the group, and he suspected tonight was no exception. At this point, everything began to make sense to him. _EVERYTHING._ Lightning's behavior, her unbridled emotion, everything so uncharacteristic about her for the entire evening.

After several minutes, Lightning finally composed herself enough to push herself up from the bedding below her and sit upright over the edge of the bed with her elbows on her knees, the trash can still within direct line of site of her face for good measure.

"I feel like shit," Lightning said as her hair fell from behind her ears to the sides of her face.

Hope was quick to respond. "Yeah, well you look like shit. What the hell were you thinking?"

Lightning turned her head toward him, her eyes peering through her disheveled hair as she gave him a begrudging 'what-the-fuck-are-you-on-about' look.

"The trash can smells like a fire hazard," Hope replied as he kicked the can with the edge of his toe, "Whatever you're puking up is about as strong as whatever you were putting in. Why are you drinking? You, of all people? Here, of all places? On Serah's wedding, of all occassions?"

"Fang started it," Lightning stammered, the sensation of urgency brewing again in her gut as she reached down for the trash can to bury her face in it.

Hope stood in frustration and disbelief. He put one hand on his head, the other on his hip, and paced back and forth at the foot of the bed. "I mean… Why? Fang is Fang! What the hell could she have said to get you riled up enough to chase the liquor train?!"

"Like you care." Lightning's still alcohol-induced attitude seeped into her words. She was becoming more of her untoward and emotionless self, but disdain and resentment was always the last thing to leave a drunk before the inevitable: unconsciousness.

"So this is how this is, then? Everything we did together this evening? Everything I said to you, and you said to me, the dancing, the kiss, all of it was just the workings of your inept composure and inability to say no to booze?!" Hope was becoming almost panic with frustration. He thought that perhaps her emotion, her anger, her compassion, her tenderness even may have been signs that evening that he had made progress. Signs that BOTH of them had made progress.

"Fang said some stuff about you, about me, and I just kinda lost it. There's was an open bar and no one was there. I figured I wouldn't be bothered and before I knew it…" Lightning made no effort to rationalize herself. The booze finally wearing off, she just wanted the night to end with her passed out in this bed and no one else to bother her anymore. Everything else was subliminal, including Hope and his desperate attempts to consolidate his feelings.

"What could she have possibly said to make you like this?!"

"Let it go already, Hope!" Lightning was becoming tired of this. "It doesn't concern you and you need to just let it go. I'm not here to have this conversation with you. Either bring me something to drink to help me sober up or just get out."

"Bullshit it doesn't concern me! What about my feelings?! What about the dance we shared, and the kiss, and everything?!" Hope exclaimed, his arms thrust out to the side like the wings of the bird desperately trying to escape some horrible predator.

Lightning paused, her memory slowly reconciling as her liver cleared the alcohol in her bloodstream bit by bit. "Ah, right… That… Just forget about those things. I was being arrogant and stupid and… drunk. That wasn't me."

"Well, I wasn't drunk, Light. I was far from it, and those moments meant a lot to me. More to me than you will ever know. And I can't just take your 'who cares, let it go, already' answer as something I can live with. I practically poured myself out to you today. I thought you did the same."

"Just let me rest in peace, Hope. I'm about to blackout here, and I doubt I'll remember anything from tonight anyway. Why can't you just go do damage control with Serah and Snow and make up some excuse for me about why I'm not there. If you want to help me, that's what you should do." Lightning shushed him away with the repeated flip of her hand. "For Etro's sake, Hope. Why do you even put stock in these things anyway? What the hell good am I to you?"

"Somehow, I think Fang would agree with you right now." Hope regretted his words the moment he said them.

Instead of anger and an outcry, Lightning met him with a disassociated sigh as she tapped her foot against the carpet. This unnerved Hope. "Fang said if I don't figure myself out soon, and figure out my feelings about you, then one day I won't have the option anymore. There. Happy? Now you know. Now you tell me what good this has done."

Hope's arms fell to his side, a sense of hopelessness and bewilderment replacing his uncertainty and anxiety. "She said that?... Really?"

Lightning nodded, her face still pointed towards the trash can.

"And that's what made you start drinking?"

Lightning nodded again. "Hope, I don't know what to say to you anymore. I don't know what to do, or how to act, or even what to think. You've been living with me for a while now, and even on the ark, I just… I don't know."

"Is this drunk you talking?"

Lightning chuckled. "If only…"

Hope sat down on the floor across from her, his arms wrapped around his knees. "What is it i'm supposed to do, Light? How do I make us move forward? You don't understand just how worried I get sometimes."

"There won't be any 'us', Hope. There shouldn't be. You fail to truly realize the kind of person I am. I spent over a thousand years making all the wrong choices only to finally make the right one because of you, and Serah, and everyone else. This is the new world. The only you you should worry about now is you. There's no war, no God, no end of days, just you. What's left for you to worry over?"

"You, Claire. I worry about you." Hope's words echoed against the walls of the room as a deafening silence fell over them.

At last, Lightning released the trash can from her hands and sat up straight as she brushed her hair behind her ears. "Hope, I need you to understand something. In the new world, this is the first time where I've felt as though the fate of the world no longer rests on my shoulders. Since the purge, even before I met you, ever since I first enlisted I have been responsible for so much suffering. That suffering to include yours as well, Hope. I've made so many mistakes. And now, at last, there's nothing left for me to fuck up anymore. Nothing, that is, except you."

Hope stared at her, a trembling creeping up the lengths of his fingertips as his breathing halted. He couldn't tell if this was a rejection, a moment of realization, or the enlightened ramblings of drunk. No matter their nature, her words terrified him. "I'm not here to be hurt by you, Light. I am here to be by your side no matter the pain. I don't care about anything else, and none of it is part of my agenda here, not with you."

Lightning fell back onto the bed and turned onto her left side. The booze had mostly worn off, but the sense of exhaustion and dehydration had left her still emotionally unguarded, her mind still willing to produce words reflective of her own emotion and years of self-reflection. This self-reflection included her, him, and the 'we' concept she so desperately clung to despite her repeated attempts to put it in a grave. She turned away from him in an effort to conceal her trembling lips and the tears welling in her eyes. "Just finish school, finish your reserve duty with the Guardian Corps, and get out and live your own life, Hope. Live it seperate from me. I can tell you without hesitation that you will be better off without me. You won't have to pick up after a drunk again at the very least."

"You're just drunk," Hope mumbled as a few tears ran down his cheeks after having broken free from his eyes, "That's all today was. You don't mean any of this."

"Hope, I'm so sick right now. I will probably black out here in a couple of seconds and forget everything from today. Don't perpetuate this. Just take the cash out of my wallet, go down to the receptionist desk and get your own room." Lightning's own words pained her heart, but they were the words she had wished to say for months now. Not out of desire or eloquence, but out of practicality and necessity. In her mind, it was what was best for him despite her own desires.

There came no reply. Only the sound of the hotel room door closing against the door's threshold gave company to the near empty room and the nearly comatose woman. Lightning did what she and many other Soldiers did best. She let the exhaustion of her earlier binge overtake her and force her into sleep.


End file.
